Consent is actually sexy (pt 1)

Recently all hell broke loose on Twitter. A student – Betty (alias)  in one of the public university broke out raising multiple attention about how disheartening the situation; she was raped by a friend. This boy (pictures shared online) called Betty over to his hostel, having visited other male acquaintances and all had been, the girl felt it was okay to respond positively to the invite. 

Following a couple of puffs and drinks, Betty felt she was getting dizzy and suggested to leave. This was utterly declined as he suggested that she could spend the night and that nothing other than what she wanted would happen to her. 

While the night progressed, she felt hands inside her pants taking them off and forcefully inserting. For a virgin she says, It was painful but because she was unconscious from her screams were whispers and her fights were merely a swing of hands. As he did the act, all he said was “I know you wanted this and I hope you’re enjoying it, baby.”

Does a girl visiting you mean that she consents to have sex? Does a girl’s agreement to drink with you mean she wants to sleep with you?  Well, the answer is NO. Consent should not at all be a survival strategy for women and this cuts across all women, from young people dating, cohabiting to people that are married. The thing about defective, one-sided sex is that you can be sexually active for years and not realize how bad or one-sided intercourse has been all the while.  Your assumption is double-sided yet you’re missing out on a wide array of joy and pleasure. 

Most of us have grown up in conservative, religious families, and it’s common that we get to be told that sex should feel good. We are taught that men grow to ask for sex from women and that if they never want, the girl can say “no” as a move to prolong her virginity. But with the #MeToo movement, many men have become constantly sceptical about quickly engaging women in sexual acts without their consent. This calls for many men asking for ‘stuff’ which at some point feels weird. I am not against men asking but allow me to share an experience. 

So I went on a date with a girl last week, we talked and honestly, I felt like we were vibing. So as the night closed I suggested to walk her out as we waited for her uber. And as we moved, I felt wow, as a gentleman I had to ask for what I felt! It was getting late so I asked if “are you up for a kiss.”Unbelievably she just laughed at me for having asked. I felt like an idiot. My point is many women and correct me if I am wrong, believe that a man who takes charge is a sexy man. Meaning that asking “can I kiss you” makes a man seem childlike. 

While I recognize that not all women are going to laugh in the face of a man who genuinely asks for their consent, this is an issue we also need to address as we advocate for consent.

More on this in part 2 here … https://bit.ly/2Rj5mbC